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Tim Dowling: a rake has it in for me – and the tortoise

I thought the cartoonish thwack in the face from the garden tool was a once-in-a-lifetime act of stupidity. How wrong I was

On a weekend afternoon, with the temperature nudging 30C, my wife and I take the dog for a walk. Neither of us wants to go, so we go together, and agree to keep it short.

“Oh no,” my wife says when we get to the park. I look across the open expanse and see what she sees.

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